I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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