I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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