At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
