What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
