she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
where am i from again
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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