I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
