she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
