Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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