Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
