I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
