The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
