When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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