I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
