Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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