my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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