there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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