There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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