I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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