So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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