Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
