Where did you get a picture of my penis
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
