I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
