I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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