why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
