No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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