When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
