yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
