my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
