Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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