Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
