My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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