I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
