This girl is more easily done than said...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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