Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
