OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
