I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
