Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
