Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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