i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
