okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I love you. Go after that dick
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
