your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
