2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
