3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
