I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I think I just sharted jello shots
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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