So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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