girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I came so hard my ears popped.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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