Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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