why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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