im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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