i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
