can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
